Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Your total is $22.47. Would you be interested in saving 10% by opening a RedCard today?”

 

The customer just looks at me. Tired and weary. A slight shake of her head tells me that no, she does not want one and why did I bother asking. A small gaggle of kids is running around her. A little boy tugs on her floral skirt crying that he wants candy. Another of them shrieks out that she has to have the Barbie doll that’s on display. I can’t help but curse the person who put those toys at eye level of three year olds.  I know it’s a marketing ploy, but some days the squawks of children pestering their parents are a bit much. The woman has finished signing the signature pad. A pair of  exhausted eyes with faint wrinkles seemingly highlighting her long day meet mine and she looks defeated. I wonder if this is the life she had dreamed for herself. I can’t help but think societies great plan for us (birth, school, college, work, marriage, kids, retirement, and death) isn’t the grandest plan after all.

 

Beeeeep. The receipt prints out.

 

“Thank you for shopping with us today. You have a nice night.”

 

Another nod from the haggard woman, this time it’s accompanied by a small smile and a whisper that sounds like “you too.” I turn my attention to the next customer.

 

“Hello, did you find everything alright today?”

Beginnings...

Do you have any ice cream?- 9/4/2008 at 12:46am

Travis. you should check anyways just in case-9/4/08 21:51 am

Are you doing computing- 9/16/08 at 3:50:41pm

420 turned your alarm on -9/21/08 2:41:24am

Have you figured out the computing 9/28/08 4:50:07 pm

Just finished the computing lab10/01/08 4:35:53pm

im going to old chicago with some friends from high school but ill be back after a while 10/3/08 5:19:27pm

Back now. Not dead. horray10/11/08 1:28:23am

I don't know.
In back completely find and all alone :(all your fault10:18:08 1:18:58am

Sorry about the whole facebook fiasco. didn't really realize this would happen. 10:18:08 1:17:30pm

Awful he posted on my wall too.10/18/08 1:25:42pm

The hill i should be back soon. My phone might diejust so you know10/24/08 10:51:18pm

When are you going to be back?10:31:08 5:23:43pm

Just wonderin. Kinda miss you and might begoing out at like 7 or 8 10/31/08 5:27:21pm

Love you forever. Come back soon.- greg 11/15/08 3:36:21am

Me too. Sleep wellAmazing. 11/15/08 93:42:52  am

As are you. Sorry about the text message costs11/15/08- 3:45:48am

Sorry if i woke you up. See you sunday. love :)11/15/08 3:53:50am

I love you too. Goodnight. Amazing- 11/21/08 10:25:35pm

Got to ohio fine. Turns out i do have internet so we should facebook chat sometime. Hopeyou have a good night.-love greg-11/22/08 5:39:28pm

Thats like 15 apologies. Hope you had a good day.Only like 4 days left. Love you,Greg11/24/08 8:52:54pm

Computer wouldn't work.Hope you sleep well and ill talk to you tomorrow. Love Greg11/25/08 10:30:31pm

Happy Thanksgiving11/27/08 9:57:19am

Fair enough. You should probably get some sleepThanks again for listening and ill see you tomorrow. I love you so much.11/29/08 00:46:16am

Sleep is generally a good thing so thats good. Missyou already so thats no good. hope you sleep welllove yo12/11/08 10:49:46pm

Just finished math. Hope you sleep well. See you tomorrow. Love you.12/15/08 10:06:55pm

Harder than expected but i still think i did all right12/15/08- 10:11:54pm

Goodnight12/15/08 10:16:32pm

Love you12/15/08 10:18:20pm

That's fine. See you tomorrow. Love you12/16/08 4:15:55pm

I miss you too. SLeep well. love greg12/18/08 11/12/48 pm

Sure. I love you too. Hope you sleep well andhave a good day tomorrow12/19/08 06:47:44pm

Love you too. See you soon hopefull12/20/08 10:58:16pm

Ilove you more than anything. I dont think yourealize how much you mean to me. I miss you so much.Break is awful like a falafel. Im sorryif i woke you.12/21/08 01:35:49am

I love you too12/21/08 4:40:16pm

I'm home. Hit a deer but i think it survived. This is thenew phone number. Sleep well and have a good daytomorrow. Love Greg12/22/08 11:38:40pm

Just thought you'd like to know that my momseemed pretty happy when i told her you were coming to new years. Hope you have a good daytomorrow. I love you.12/23/08 7:38:00pm

What is her name? 12/23/08 10:39:06pm

That is indeed my cousin. I'm not sure how she knew who you were but they are all nice so don't worry. I really miss you right now.12/23/08 10:44:39pm

I love you too. I'm in bed so now im sad since you'renot here. Sorry that I'm costing you texting.12/23/08 10:49:59pm

Don't worry, you aren't keeping me up. Illprobably be up for another hour. Hope yousleep well too. I love you.- 12/23/08 10:56:33pm

As do I. You are just as amazing and wonderful.Now you made me cry. 12/23/08 11:02:49pm

I fine now. I'm just thankful I have you in my lifeYou should try to get some sleep. Don't worry about me 12/23/08 11:10:27pm

I love you too. Hope you have a good night and a good ChristmasEve 12/23/08 11:13:10pm

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend- Camus

It's often better to be in chains, than to be free.- Kafka

It is quite true what philosophy says: that life must be understood backwards. But then one forgets the other principle: that it must be lived forwards.- Kierkegaard

Is there suffering on this new earth? On our earth we can truly love only with suffering and through suffering! We know not how to love otherwise. We know no other love. I want suffering in order to love.- Dostoevsky

I love love love that last quote. I just started reading Crime and Punishment and I've just love his writing. Anywho, I'm going through end of the year cleaning and I'm spending far too much time posting stuff on livejournal =]

speaking of existentialism... Camus' piece about the myth of Sisyphus is amazing... and inspired me to draw this comic not too long ago... i lied, it was last semester, but oh vell =]

these past few weeks i've gone on a couple of dates with josh. there was nothing there though. i guess he was kinda cute, but i didn't really care. the first date he was nice enough. very polite. we talked, but nothing. my friends convinced me to go on a second date. i did. what a disaster. i really need to start listening to my gut. we saw iron man which should have been an easy date. a movie how do you screw that up? .... by acting like a self-conscious preteen who doesn't know the first thing about dating. he kept on trying to hold my hand. that's not something that you do in movies. it's a long time and frankly.... hands get sweaty... fast. >.< the whole movie i tried to get my arm back. do you know how difficult it is to pretend to flinch during a "suspense" scene in iron man? i tired. every chance i got i flinched and tried to get my hand away.... to no avail. i eventually got fed up and asked him if he could give me my arm back.

ugh. by the end of the date i was ready to flee. when we said goodbye he leaned in for a kiss and i wisely side-stepped that one for a hug. however, this jerk really goes after what he wants. he actually grabbed my chin and kissed me.

>.<

in retrospect i should have slapped him.... though in my defense, i was momentarily stunned by the nerve that guy had. what a horrid evening. my friends always ask me why i don't date. this is why. men suck at life. as cliche as it sounds.... my cat doesn't give me any grief. she's my number 1 fan =]

 hug.


i talked to joan and her side of the family today. i'm so completely.... emotionally drained. everything shit has happened all at once. the 9th is always difficult and this year both easter and april 8th reduced me to zombie-like status and now i had to be on the defensive all day. i had to be on guard against the usual manipulations.
'we miss you' and 'when are you coming home?'

never. i am never going 'home,' because it's not fucking home. i consider myself lucky because i got away. i'll be damned if i ever go back.


in pennsylvania they have third degree murder. it's a murder charge that's not intentional or unintentional. it's described as 'all other'. i didn't get that until last easter. it's the reason i will never go back.

*sigh* It's been a while since I've written anything personal so here goes nothing. Recap of week? Well I've worked a ton over spring break. I get overtime :] Which is nice. I'm broke as hell. That whole thing kind of ate my soul. Good news? I work tech support so I can surf the web for those 9 hours i'm stuck in the office =] What that translates to? I spent lots of time reading wondrous fan fics :D Ugh. I wrote one about a week ago. Dunno if I like it. I'm thinking of making another account just for fan fics, but I don't write enough for that.  Anywho, three cheers for that. Hmm. So tired. Yesterday and the night before I hung out with Sophie at the dorms. Hardly slept at all. That makes it way too many nights in a row. Sleep deprivation sucks. And now? Ugh spring break is almost over and i have yet to sleep in one day. yuk. i'm sorely temped to take a nap at work. This writing is terrible. all stream of consciousness. i have so much reading to do for school. i have to read Things Fall Apart and Brave New World for my two english courses. All the while I'm rereading Anderson Cooper's book instead :] And my friends wonder why my grades are in decline :] I was so happy when I was with Sophie, because her gay guy friend has the same crush =] i feel vindicated in so many ways =] most of my buddies tease me about him =] but i think he's quite nearly perfect =] *sigh* anyway, i'm gonna get back to listening to Brand New and...well.. my job (-;

Reasons and goals of the strike can be found at http://beckyzoole.livejournal.com/395310.html

Reasons why I joined the strike were provided by darkology, who was awesome and explained it to me, can be seen below:

To make a lengthy story short:

1) SUP (the company that now owns LJ) got rid of the free, no-ad Basic Accounts without notifying users that it would happen and against the advice of their own advisory board. It wasn't even released in a news post, it was noticed by a user and confirmed in the comments of a news post. Now only the plus, paid, and permanent account options are available. Info here. SUP has subsequently claimed that Basic Accounts were only used to "create spam" and not content.

2) SUP created a filter that limited the ability of users to search and know how many users had certain interests, including "fanfiction", "yaoi", "bisexual", etc., and the words that were filtered showed a homophobic bent. on SUP's part. The filter was removed when users noticed and complained on a news post. SUP claims it was "an accident", but I'm not sure how creating and implementing code that chooses to filter words like those can be an accident.

ETA: Ugh, I didn't mean to submit this comment yet. Anyway. The purpose of the strike is to "remind" SUP that the users create the content and the ad revenue - and if we don't feel heard, we can leave.

Title: If Only: A Jon/Stephen Fanfic
Series: TDS/TCR
Rating: PG
Warnings: None that I could think of... If you find anything particularly grrr, tell me and I'll put it here.
Summary: Stephen and Jon read The Great Gatsby together and Stephen, in a round a bout way, plucks up the courage to tell Jon how he feels.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Hmmm. So I watched the Colbert Report the other night something Stephen said reminded me of something I hadn't thought of in...jeez... ages. "Dare to eat a peach." My Sophomore year just came flooding back to me. In the room the women come and go/Talking of Michelangelo. Couldn't help but go back and read the poem again. I feel like the biggest dork ever, because I was never brave enough to "eat a peach." I did not "Disturb the universe." Such a sad poem really. But I don't know. It's kind of heartening at the same time. I'm crazy though =] Anyway those were just some thoughts. I think I might actually get around to trying to write a ficlet. It's been a while. And technically it's something I've already written, but I'll need to change the characters and some of the context so it's not autobiographical, but I really want to get t out there. I'm proud of the writing. So instead of working on that timed write or studying for my English exam tomorrow.... I'm going ot go write fan fiction. Hopefully I'll get something posted tonight. *squee* Kinda excited.

http://www.latenightunderground.com/2008/02/behind-the-brawl.shtml

It's outtakes from "The Brawl" with Stewart/Colbert/O'Brien

=] made meh happy

That was too wonderful

So.... very excited. The Oscars are tonight... not that I care about Hollywood or the movies or really anything related to the Oscars.... Well that's not entirely true.... I am interested in the host :P Hahaha, since everyone at school knows I <3 Jon Stewart I thought I'd inform the virtual world as well :D Anywho, quite smitten and quite excited to watch tonight, especially since the past week's hiatus of the Daily Show.

Anywho, thought I'd give you all an update. I'm going off to donate blood! yay! *drips of sarcasm* I really dislike donating blood. I ost always pass out and it scares me :(

Math (mth): N. The bane of my existence.

A girl sits in a seat
edged up to her desk
a

p
i
l
e

of papers at her side
her pen etching empty words

the clock chimes
she stifles a yawn
shaking herself awake
while her eyelids droop
and she works on ...
the hours eek by ...

three days pass like this
the clock ticks in day four

A girl sits in a seat
edged up to her desk
a

p
i
l
e

of papers at he side
her pen etching empty words

she yawns
eyelids droop
and her head reposes on a book ...

the clock chimes
the hours eek by.

Isn't he adorable? My new favourite eye candy.

hey
i've got it. my "so-called future." what i'm going to do with my life. school, obviously, but beyond that? i'll be one of those scary cat people that doesn't date because she's too "disillusioned" with men,but really she's just saying that because she's tired of the right men passing right by her. She's tired of rejection. So she sits on her couch with her only guy friends "Ben and Jerry" and a coupla cats scattered around the room while she watches romantic comedies in her pjs.
can't wait. *said with utmost sarcasm*

And then again.... this is where i'm headed, because i can't move on. i'm in love and have been with guy who doesn't give a flying fuck and to his credit has NEVER led me on. so someone please tell me why i can't get over him? why do i care?

In town they line the streets
With streamers and confetti
The townspeople titter and smile
Their boys are going off to war

Time marches on

Days turn to weeks and into months
Life settles into uneasy tension
A woman stands outside hanging the wash
A man approaches with a telegram

They don’t hold parades anymore.

i wrote that for the WWI poem we had to write. i like it.

so...    i asked him

but ronnie day makes me a romantic mush. listening to 'falling for you' i suggest it :] i saw that guy i was telling you about. he's pretty much the most amazing person i have ever had the privilege to meet. i keep on dreaming about him. like literally dreaming. two nights ago i was in a house that was sinking (weird i know) on this beach and he was there, and as the house was turning over (and i just intrinsically knew that if it fell over i would die) he was trying to save me. i remember looking into his eyes through a small window near the ceiling of the house. i don't know what the deal is with me and drowning :S i've decided that based on my past and my premonitions and fixations that i will get in some car accident where my car goes off a bridge and i drown. that was random. anywho, i keep dreaming about him.

supposedly my dream means...
Drowning To dream that you are drowning, signifies that you are overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that is coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. If you drown to death, your relationship will fail or you will suffer major business losses. If your survive the drowning, then your relationship will be rescued by some intervention. You will rise to a higher position of wealth and honor.
Sinking To dream that you or something is sinking, suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed and that someone or something is pulling your down. You may be experiencing lowered self-esteem and confidence. Alternatively, some important and significant stage in your life may be coming to an end. Consider what is sinking and its significance.
House If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system.
Window To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself.

Anywho, there's that. Basically it was a crazy dream, but i dunno. i liked it. off to go listen to more music....ugh i am soooooo done with living here. i want to be on my own soooo badly.